Our Story
The Medical System had given my Dad maximum two years to live after a major stroke. However, with the grace of God, support of family members and Doctors, my Dad lived 15 years. He wanted to live till 100 which he could have if Covid had not happened or if I had not made a mistake (something I regret everyday in my life and pray for forgiveness).
I was on top of the world after helping build and sell couple of technology companies in the USA. My plan was to figure out the best way to give back to society. That year, I, along with my parents visited India for a cousin’s wedding. After the wedding, my parents decided to stay back a little longer in India – a decision that had changed our lives!
A little about my Dad. He was one of the most active people, waking up early in the morning, doing poja, yoga as well as speed walking 3 to 4 miles a day. He was so fast that I could not keep up with him on his walks. Anyway, my Dad was on a blood thinner medication. During the wedding, he cut him self while shaving and due to blood thinner, it was taking time for him to heal. Unfortunately, someone advised him to stop blood thinner for a few days. That year, as I recall, it was very cold in India and as we know, homes are not centrally heated. After the wedding, one day my dad, as part of his daily routine, went for his walk, had a bath and sat down for Puja … and slumped down - he had had a stroke! To make matters worse, our family doctors were traveling out of the country to attend another wedding in the family.
My Mom called neighbors and they all took my Dad to the best Government hospital in the area (Note: we as a family were not ready to handle an emergency). Even in the hospital, the medical service did not respond timely in his “Golden Hour”.
By the time, we got message in the USA about our Dad having medical issues in India, we were on the tail end of this Golden period. Of course, by the time other family members made arrangements to move him to another good private hospital, the impact of this medical event had taken root. My Dad had left side paralysis and couldn’t do anything on his own - a major setback for a person who was so active.
Our whole family took turns to visit India to be with him and stabilize him over the next six months before we could move him back to the USA. Even under these circumstances, family members did their best to get him back on his feet. Dad did start to walk on his own, however, he had another major setback that led to three weeks Coma. The medical system in the USA did not think he would make it and had given him a maximum of a year or two to live. With the help of my family, my wife, my brother and most importantly my Mom, we dedicated our lives to beat these odds.
We are happy to report that working with some excellent doctors, regular monitoring, natural remedies, and most importantly empathy, my Dad lived for 15 years. My Dad wanted to live till 100 which he could have if Covid had not happened or if I had not made a mistake (something that I regret everyday in my life and ask for forgiveness). When Covid pandemic started, we decided to remove all nursing and other staff from our home in the USA. My wife, my brother and me took turns to completely take care of my Dad and we were able to protect him from covid and he was never infected with Covid. When Pfizer covid vaccine was released, my brothers and my wife analyzed and watched the impact of vaccines for a few months.
After it appeared to be a safe vaccine, we decided to get the vaccine as required by the health care system. Within 48 hours of my Dad, me and my wife getting covid vaccine, my Dad had a second stroke that impacted the right side of his body. It also weakened his ability to swallow, leading to a few aspiration events. A couple of times, my Dad had to be hospitalized due to complications from the aspiration. Finally, the medical system in the USA decided to move him to hospice care (end of life care where a person is not encouraged to be hospitalized and is given pain killers to minimize suffering as they pass on from this world). We, having been raised in Indian culture, decided that we cannot give up on our Dad. Therefore, me and my wife decided to move to India after three decades of living in the USA. Note: Indian system does allow / encourages a person to be treated till their last moment.
A close friend of mine from the college days, and his family took upon themselves to help set up all the facilities (a mini hospital) required to keep our Dad at home in India. After our move to India, we had full time nursing staff, working in shifts, with Doctors monitoring our Dad at our home. We hired two physical therapists to work with my Dad, creating a healthy competition between the two. My Dad, who had been having trouble even turning in the bed, was able to recover and sit up in the bed and had even started to stand up on his own. This is a progress that no one had expected and even Doctors in the USA were very impressed and we had started to discuss how he can be brought back to the USA in a few months and taken out of the hospice system. However, God had other plans for us.
My friend, who helped set up everything for us in a new city in India for us, had admitted his wife for a procedure in a local hospital. I told my wife that it is our moral duty to visit our friend’s wife and be with them in this time of their need. On that day, our Physical therapist for my Dad was supposed to come at 6PM in the evening. The hospital’s visiting hour was 4 PM and we had enough time to go visit my friend’s wife in the hospital and be back before the therapist came. Note: My Dad always took rest in bed in the afternoon and there were many staff including nursing staff at home. However, for unknown reason, the therapist decided to come to our place at 4:30 PM, decided to try to make our Dad walk without a gait belt (something that we had forbidden everyone), and ended up dropping my Dad after my Dad took few steps. My Dad did not complain of major pain since the fall was on his weak side where he had less sensation. So, the therapist decided to put our Dad in bed and leave. When we returned home before 6PM, our household staff informed us of this fall. I immediately rushed to his room and looking at his facial expression, having worked with him for many years, immediately knew that he was in pain.
Neighbors / friends helped us in this time of need, an orthopedic surgeon came to the apartment, x ray was performed and we realized that my Dad had a dislocated shoulder and a fracture in his left arm (weaker side from the first stroke). Of course, my Dad was advised bed rest and I had this bad feeling, knowing well that if we don’t keep him vertical at least 6 to 7 hours a day, at his age his organs will start to slow down significantly. Keep in mind that in the past 15 years, we had never left our Dad alone without a family member at home. However, my decision to leave him alone with nursing and household staff, while we visited hospital to see my close friend’s wife, costed me my Dad’s life. If only, I was home, I would not have allowed the therapist to get my Dad out of the bed without a gait belt which helps minimize the impact of any fall. I pray every day to God and my parents and ask for their forgiveness for this mistake. My brother and my wife remind me of the story that our Mom used to tell us - about a king who died of snake bite despite all the warning and protection he had in place. I know we are not God, however, these “what if” scenarios allow us to learn and move forward.
Needless to say, 4 months after my Dad’s fall, his organ started to shut down, and we finally lost him despite running a full-fledged hospital at home with ICU like setting, ventilators, etc.
We do take pride that our Dad lived 15 years against all medical odds, even though with humility I do accept my mistake that cost him his life. There were a few key lessons that we are happy to share in the hope that it will help us all and make this society a better place to live.
- Always have plans (SOP) in place to know what to do in an emergency.
- If possible, always have quick access to medical personnel in India that can help guide and minimize the impact of any medical emergency.
- If a medical emergency compromises the quality of life of a loved one, do not give up on them despite what anyone says.
- The key to a good quality of life and hopefully, long life is empathy, together with regular monitoring of medical vitals, including stress levels.
- Spending quality time together as a family, especially sharing joys with each other, if nothing else through pictures with your elders, is the key to keeping them engaged, happy and with you.
In closing, despite having the ever-lasting regret of not being able to fulfil my Dad’s desire to live till 100, we are proud of our effort to help him beat the medical odds of 2 years to 15 years, and it gives us a lot of happiness to start this service that has potential to help so many families. This initiative was given wings after many of our neighbors recommended that society needs the kind of service we were able to provide for our Dad.